Lube part Deux. From our internal fluids to external additions, this multi-part series explores all the different types of moisture and wetness that help our genitals move and groove.
In part one, we discussed the basics like the differences between lube formulas and what to use for different activities. If you missed it, don’t fret: it is still available for free until Friday, on my substack.
With so much conflicting information online about chemicals and wellness products, it can be tough to make a decision about what products are best to use. In this edition, I answer:
Should I be using stimulating lube internally?
Does this common ingredient really cause yeast infections?
How does silicone lube impact erectile dysfunction?
Is there something wrong with my vagina if it reacts badly to coconut oil?
On using lube to “skip to penetration” (the big lube pushback I hear the most).
This series has longer bodies of text than my usual round-ups and advice columns, so these emails may look better in your browser or on the substack app.
I’ve had occasional issues with erectile dysfunction, but every time I’ve tried (a popular silicone lube) I have trouble staying hard. What’s happening? Why doesn’t this happen with water-based?
Lubes reduce friction, which is usually a good thing! Too much of a good thing, though… isn’t always great. Some people require more topical stimulation to stay aroused and therefore require a little bit of friction on the skin during sex or masturbation. The same can happen on a vulva, and I know people express that they’re sometimes “too wet to feel anything” when using thicker lube or during oral sex. Sometimes less is more, especially if you’re preventing yourself from fully feeling touch.
It isn’t just you, either. In a 2018 article on sex toy and lubricant recommendations for healthcare providers, experts from the Mayo Clinic suggested:
Silicone lubricants are also not recommended for men struggling with erectile dysfunction, as clinical experience suggests that the slipperiness of the lubricant may inhibit the friction needed for maintenance of an erection.
Silicone lube sits on top of the skin instead of being easily absorbed, providing a barrier between the skin and anything it touches. For those who require more skin sensitivity to stay aroused this may limit sensation too much. Water-based lubes disperse more easily and can be absorbed or evaporated quickly. It doesn’t create this thick barrier due to its osmolality and therefore allows for more skin sensation. Some people prefer the slip of silicone lube as they enjoy how much pressure they can add to their genitals without the risk of friction. There really isn’t one formula for all, as we all have different preferences. We can attempt to retrain these preferences or make adjustments to them but either way, it is okay if a popular product doesn’t work out for you.
I like the way my stimulating lube feels on my vulva, but is it safe to use internally?
Stimulating lube can be a great way to increase blood flow to the genitals, which increases your awareness of the region and can boost erectile tissue. The clitoris is surrounded by erectile tissue, and certain ingredients can boost the sensation as they increase blood flow to the area. I wouldn’t recommend stimulating lube to anyone with sensitive skin, recurrent vaginal infections, or prone to UTIs. That being said, some people can use these products without any issues, although not every formula is safe to use internally as they contain ingredients that can seriously irritate the sensitive skin and mucous membranes of the genitals and urethra.
If you like the tingly sensation ditch the spicy capsaicin versions and opt for safer sensation-boosting versions like Jolt by Unbound. Look for ingredients that add a tingle but do not disrupt or damage sensitive tissues, like capsaicin, caffeine, and formulas with too high levels of menthol. Always patch test on your wrist a few days before use on genitals. If you get a sample, rub two drops between your fingers to feel the effects. If you like the tingle, rub it in on the outer area of your vulva. Wait a bit, and then try it on the clitoris and inner labia. When these ingredients come into contact with mucous membranes (vaginal opening or the urethra of the penis) it will likely feel more intense than on the skin. If you feel totally uncomfortable, you can always rinse it off with water, but the effects should dissipate on their own with some time. Keep in mind that some people may have adverse reactions on their lips or tongue, and always keep these products away from the eyes and nose. Also, if you’re using it for anal play it may cause discomfort or even intestinal upset if inserting a large amount at once.
While some people prefer to use just a drop of body-safe stimulating lube around the clitoris or the head of the penis, certain formulas with less intensity can be used liberally around the genitals. Personally, I’ve used Jolt as I would a regular lube and it felt quite intense (in the best way) for both me and my partner. I have a history of recurrent UTIs so I tread carefully with these types of products and I haven’t tested any besides the Sliquid and Unbound stimulating lubes. Some have heating properties while others contain a cooling tingle; when I worked at the sex shop, people had wildly different opinions and preferences on these two sensations. Although I don’t reach for it regularly, it was a great addition and added a new sensation to explore. Note that I do have a code with Unbound (BBIRNA) but I tested these lubes long before I was an affiliate!
What lube ingredients can contribute to infections? I’ve heard to stay away from glycerin as it may cause yeast infections- is this true?
There is a big debate about whether glycerin can contribute to yeast infections, and in my experience it depends on who you ask. A chemist may tell you that since glycerol is a sugar alcohol, it acts differently in the body than a sugar and therefore isn’t likely to contribute to yeast. If you ask a reproductive physiologist, they may tell you that there is evidence linking animal-derived glycerin to yeast but plant-based should be fine. A gynecologist or urologist may rely on their clinical experience and suggest to avoid glycerin if you have recurrent yeast infections and you find it helpful. So, what is the likelihood this ingredient causes issues?
Many modern lube brands don’t contain glycerin due to the association with yeast, whether there is evidence for it or not. The brands that do still use it are almost always plant-based, as it is cheaper to use plant-derived glycerin.
Self-reported patient surveys of those who have recurrent yeast or BV have been helpful in finding patterns of lubricant type and infection. Some people are more susceptible to yeast infections and the reason may not be solely due to an ingredient. Using sexual health products is often a process of trial and error for those with sensitive vaginal flora, and lube is no exception.
There is stronger evidence, however, that other lubricant ingredients can contribute to vaginal infections. Oil-based lubes have been associated with Candida species colonization (potential yeast infections). Using petroleum jelly also made some patients twice as likely to test positive for bacterial vaginosis. One theory is that oil and petrolatum could potentially trap bacteria in the vagina which may lead to these symptoms. I’d like to see further research on the relationship between these ingredients and vaginal biofilm, which makes it harder to treat recurrent BV or yeast. Ingredients like fragrance, sugar, or some types of flavorings can also contribute to bacterial or fungal vaginitis since they can change the pH and leave certain bacteria stock (like our friend Lactobacillus) vulnerable to big shifts.
Not all lubricants are made equally, and just because something is labeled as a personal lubricant that is “pH safe” doesn’t necessarily mean it won’t disrupt your skin or vaginal microbiome. On the other hand, some people rarely develop vaginitis from pH disruptions. It is quite an individual process.
Some people swear by only using coconut oil as lube. Every time I’ve tried, I’ve gotten itchy and uncomfortable vaginal symptoms. Is there something wrong with my vagina if I can’t handle a natural product?
I’ve noticed that of all the different types of lubricants, coconut oil fans seem to be the most adamant about their preference. So I’d like to start by saying if you enjoy using coconut oil as lube, I’m not taking anything away from you. Keep on doing what serves you! Unfortunately, a lot of people are under the assumption that since something is a “natural” product, it must be totally safe and the best choice for all bodies. I use quotes here because everything is a chemical (listen, I’m too much of a science nerd to say otherwise). Coconut oil is also still a processed food, since it has to undergo an extraction and heating process (sometimes involving bleach, additives, preservatives, too). There is also a common assumption that since something is safe to use on our skin or safe to put in our mouths, it will also be safe to use on the genitals. The vagina operates differently than our skin or mouths and has specific needs in order to keep arousal, self-cleaning, and fertility functions operating smoothly. So even if you’re using totally natural/ no additives coconut oil, it could still mess with your vagina since it is an oil used internally, which may raise the pH or potentially trap bacteria on the vaginal walls.
There are also claims of anti-fungal and anti-bacterial properties in coconut oil, but these are mitigated when you factor in the unique functions of the vagina. Although coconut oil contains caprylic acid, a medium-chain fatty acid that has evidence to support antifungal properties, this doesn’t mean that it will work to stave off yeast for every vaginal microbiome. Caprylic acid has been studied in vitro on specific strains of fungus, and although they may work on the Petri dish, they operate differently inside of the vagina. Coconut oil itself is quite alkaline, as it is high on the pH scale. When used inside the vagina, it could potentially disrupt the naturally acid environment. I’ll do a breakdown on what pH changes actually do in the vagina another time (a big misconception is that all changes cause infection!) but all of this is to say: coconut oil itself is not just the potential antifungal or antibacterial acids it contains, as it is also an oily substance that may disrupt some people’s vaginal microbiome. Some people can use coconut oil on the vulva, but experience symptoms after using it internally. Others may not be able to use it anywhere near the genitals due to irritation or yeast infection. Then there are those who swear by it and prefer it over any other lubricant. None of these people are wrong, broken, or abnormal.
Some ingredients just can’t hang out in the vagina without causing a fuss, even if we love them. The different reactions could also be behavioral, like how much someone is using or what they are doing alongside using it. Unless you’re dealing with recurrent infections or irritation, your vagina isn’t broken if it reacts badly to coconut oil. The idea that if you have an adverse reaction (especially to natural products) you always have an underlying issue isn’t totally true.
BTW: coconut oil is not safe to use with latex condoms as it can break them down. Some formulations where coconut oil is an ingredient but not the base may cause a different reaction than strictly using coconut oil.
Why do people use lube? I feel like it is an excuse to not take your time to make someone wet or to rush into penetration. Why don’t they just listen to their bodies?
Vaginal wetness and arousal don’t always go hand in hand, despite what many people might assume. There are different types of fluids that come out of the vagina, and they’re not all released due to arousal (I’ll provide more info in a future post). This means that people may feel very wet when they’re not aroused at all. Sometimes the vagina is preparing for ovulation, menstruation, or just is on “self clean mode” as people have jockingly nicknamed it.
Arousal fluid occurs during the excitement phase of arousal, meaning the genitals swell as blood flow increases to this area. This increased blood flow will cause fluid to be pushed out of the vaginal walls. The walls are always coated in a thin layer of fluid, but this increased amount of clear, slippery wetness happens due to arousal. The Skene’s glands, located on either side of the urethra, can also secrete a substance to lubricate the vulva during arousal. This is similar to the pre-ejaculate fluid that lubricates the urethra of the penis when aroused. People have varying amounts of this fluid and may release it at different times (for reasons still largely unconfirmed).
The amount and timing of this fluid varies for everyone and may also vary due to where they are in their menstrual cycle, how hydrated they are, or if they’re on any medications like birth control or allergy tablets. Some people product quite a lot of this fluid but still prefer to add lube as they’d like a different type of sensation. They may also require lube due to their specific sexual activity, like wanting to fully coat their fingers, larger toys, or minimize friction due to grinding motions.
Also… people are doing a lot more than just vaginal penetration in bed. Like, a lot more. Lube is great for oral, anal, masturbation, and anything else that benefits from some moisture. While some people may feel very wet, adding a few drops of silicone lube may protect their genitals from any uncomfortable friction that may develop from stubble or certain movements (I’m looking at you, tribbing, riding, and grinding).
If you’re only using lube for someone else’s pleasure at the cost of your own, try slowing down and taking time to explore your own arousal pattern instead. In general, however, using lube isn’t a sign that you’re not aroused or disinterested in what your partner is doing. If you’re feeling aroused and just need a bit more moisture, you’re totally normal. Using lube for areas that don’t naturally self-lubricate? Go right ahead. Let’s reframe the reasons why people may use lube. People are indeed listening to their bodies when making choices that better serve their pleasure, comfort, and preference.
Whew, that is a lot of microbiome talk. Thanks for coming back for part two!
Stay tuned for future editions including a “Best in Show” round-up of my product recommendations and a breakdown of our own personal arousal fluids. From pre-ejaculate to the skenes glands, I’ll give a crash course on how and why we get wet.
Until next time!
Want more? Check out my Instagram and Tiktok
Need a date night idea? Visit Beyond the Bedroom (. org) for four free couple’s games!
See all my links including my favorite products, exclusive content, and podcast here